Funny shit.

I love how it fucks up the blog layout hahah. Disregard that.

XI

"All alone. The last one standing is only left with time to think. The memories I can't recall even if I wanted to forget them. That unresolved thing inside my mind refuses to sit still. What is it? What is this thing inside of me? Even if I knew, what good would it do me now? Now, when there's no one left."

I have too much time on my hands that I do nothing with and end up wishing for more, just so I can waste it.

I don't get it, (after filling a glass of water) I can balance it perfectly and walk. The human body is a perfect machine. This isn't just 4000 years of auto improving biotechnical engineering. It's something we keep trying to reproduce but can't. The moment that we are able to is harrowing to think about. And we somehow managed to make something mundane out of it. We are stuck in the mediocrity of a predetermined life we let ourselves fall into. Instead of heading further toward our perfect initial status, we strive away towards the little things. As a whole race. We are constraining our possibilities. We indirectly and collectively choose to be weak and dumb.

Why? How? 

If this thing (pointing at brain) can be an amazing calculating machine in some, then why not in all? Same with these things and these things, and this things (pointing at legs, arms and lungs). A perfect auto regulating system, out of which every element is both battery and energy production station. If it can regenerate as much as it does, then why is immortality not achievable? Why are our nervous cells irreplaceable? It must be a failsafe. If we had reproduction and immortality we would overpopulate and choke each other. If we only had immortality regarding natural causes of death and not fatal injury  then we would slowly die out. Out of all the possible combinations, the one we have is the most plausible. But we could be so much better if evolution was consciously influentable. We could better ourselves to the point of intellectual perfection. It's all hidden in something that is smaller than what I can comprehend. Genes, DNA. The string of our life also holds the secrets to improvement.

But such small attention is paid to something this big, because we are busy with insignificant things. Run off the mill.

A perfectly naturally engineered machine built with no known purpose only to make out of it a petty purpose of small intention, short duration life-span, and meaningless existence. Strings of atoms held together by swapping electrons therefore creating magnetical attraction due to opposed charges. The way they are arranged makes them stick to other such chains and dictate the way protein is synthesized. The building blocks are created and arranged out on such a simple design. Understanding how this complex system works is beyond me, but I do understand it hasn't materialized for such a simple task as just living. An unsolved mystery for the pile. 

Impass III

Why is my brain empty for long periods of time? Because I am stupid.

Impass

My mind is completely blank. Not a single thought worth writing down. Just one of those days. Have a picture of a super sayain playing a hairy bass guitar instead.

VI

It takes a while for anyone smart enough to realize that everything they value doesn’t really exist. Because we’ve built ourselves rainbow painted cardboard boxes that we live in. It all easily falls down once you touch the walls. But I still don’t think suicide is the right answer. The only problem is that the individuals who see that these values are missing are so few that even if they joined efforts they wouldn’t be able to change something. I guess that’s what life’s like. Shit happens and you get sad and mop, but you have to. If you don’t, it will all build up, and that ends a lot worse. You just have to deal with it. Even if there’s nothing left, you still have yourself and your thoughts.

I’m going to go ahead and open up a subject I think is gay and stupid: love. The definition I know of love was thought to me not by experience and feeling, but by movies and songs. And that’s a very, very bad thing, because that love either doesn’t exist or nobody wants it. Nobody wants it except ‘hopeless romantics’ and the irony is that it seems two people who actually match barely ever meet. And even with realizing this I am stupid, and I can’t stress that. I am as stupid and retarded as they can get for wanting, no believing and hoping something like that could happen. It’s a stupid stubborn feeling of yearning I just can’t kill no matter how hard I try. It’s the stupid pro-creation mechanism built-in by nature. Or maybe I am just extraordinarily stupid. I’m leaning more towards the second. Maybe it’s the lack of affection I grew up with? Who knows? Who cares except me? Probably nobody.

This always happens. Whenever I write something I always feel like going back and expanding upon most of the subjects I talked about. Is it because I forget to talk more about them, or because the idea arrives later? It sucks that a written test doesn’t work like a word document. It sucks you can’t go back and write that stuff. But I guess maybe that’s a good metaphor for life. You can either be please with the paper(life) as you wrote it or start all over, which that takes time which you probably don’t have. You can never go back and fix stuff just like that.

Heh, even when I take time to write something and think about it much I still don’t make valid points, but whatever.

V

Here’s a dilemma. Why call it electric charge as from the name of an electron if protons also have an electric charge? Maybe it’s just a linguistic thing. It’s funny, because our main stimuli are electric charges, we die when we are electrocuted. How would it be if our thoughts circulated, let’s say chemically? Would be a lot slower, but would we be immune to electric shocks? Just a theory.

Douchebag says:

Ah but you are wrong mister potatolover

 Roses are a good symbol of love, because that's what it is

 a way to express the need for species perpetuation to an apparently highly inteligent life form

Other douchebag says:

 it's a symbol

Douchebag says:

 Everything you like about someone is mostly based around how good you feel your offspring will be

 because of the competition mechanism of evolution

Other douchebag says:

 the whole point is dumb anyway

 "so that's like saying, my love for you is transitory and based soley on appearance"

Douchebag says:

 It's also the need for social interraction out of fear that you won't make it out alone

 andyes

 roses are pretty and fragile

 and that's what a relationship makes us feel

 which is why it IS a good symbol

 potatoes are grown so that we can eat and shit them

 roses are grown so we can look and smell at them.

 You don't feel sorry when you shit a potato you just ate

 you feel sorry when a rose withers and dies

Other douchebag says:

 i think you are going a little too far with this

Douchebag says:

 maybe

 should've probably layed my thoughs out on that crappy blog of mine

I'm lazy, I'll just lay that out. I didn't even have the decency to lay that out in a structured paragraph. Also, other douchebag is not Mr. Potatolover.

III

Long day, but my mind was busy with something else rather than thoughts.

I’ve had this craving for quite some time, which made me understand the movie ‘Nightmare before Christmas’. It’s about the individual who struggles to surpass his status and become something else. I had an unknown craving for something that would change everything and it was topped with anxiety too, out of fear of change. Something out of the ordinary, something special, something pleasant, which I in my subconscious knew was not as pleasant as I’d think. And so self defense kicked in, and I felt bad whenever I thought about it, at least after I had realized what I wanted. Why am I so attracted to such a feeling if I know I hate it? Because we always do things we hate, for the little amount of joy that they bring. Joy, happiness, it seems to be the goal of everyone’s, or at least most people’s life.

My head is empty, I can’t think straight. It want it to happen, but at the same time don’t. I yearn for it but at the same time fear it. It’s cryptic.

“Well, whatever. Go take a bath and wash away all that negativity.” Baths really do feel great. Being surrounded by warmness and yet still having full mobility and freedom feels awesome. I also heard it reminds us of the safety of the womb, you know, having no worry in the world because you are unable to think, yet you still feel it and your body remembers it. Just a theory maybe, maybe it’s fact, maybe it’s bullshit. It’s all good though. God’s in his heaven, all is good with the world.

My eyes are tired, but I don’t want to sleep. Sleep steals away such big chunks of time, it’s almost scary. And if I know I’m safe and feeling well know, why sleep it off with the uncertainty of waking up bitterly? Sure it feels rewarding to lay your head down when you’re tired, but really, just one more paragraph, 15 more minutes…

I hate questions marks. They show uncertainty and I’m a man that stands by his principles, that holds his values close. My questions are mostly rhetorical and if not, the answer can probably be found elsewhere, maybe even quicker with the aid of Google. I also hate exclamation marks as I am not hot blooded enough to yell out my thoughts. I’ll just gently voice them out and end it with a full stop.