XI

"All alone. The last one standing is only left with time to think. The memories I can't recall even if I wanted to forget them. That unresolved thing inside my mind refuses to sit still. What is it? What is this thing inside of me? Even if I knew, what good would it do me now? Now, when there's no one left."

I have too much time on my hands that I do nothing with and end up wishing for more, just so I can waste it.

I don't get it, (after filling a glass of water) I can balance it perfectly and walk. The human body is a perfect machine. This isn't just 4000 years of auto improving biotechnical engineering. It's something we keep trying to reproduce but can't. The moment that we are able to is harrowing to think about. And we somehow managed to make something mundane out of it. We are stuck in the mediocrity of a predetermined life we let ourselves fall into. Instead of heading further toward our perfect initial status, we strive away towards the little things. As a whole race. We are constraining our possibilities. We indirectly and collectively choose to be weak and dumb.

Why? How? 

If this thing (pointing at brain) can be an amazing calculating machine in some, then why not in all? Same with these things and these things, and this things (pointing at legs, arms and lungs). A perfect auto regulating system, out of which every element is both battery and energy production station. If it can regenerate as much as it does, then why is immortality not achievable? Why are our nervous cells irreplaceable? It must be a failsafe. If we had reproduction and immortality we would overpopulate and choke each other. If we only had immortality regarding natural causes of death and not fatal injury  then we would slowly die out. Out of all the possible combinations, the one we have is the most plausible. But we could be so much better if evolution was consciously influentable. We could better ourselves to the point of intellectual perfection. It's all hidden in something that is smaller than what I can comprehend. Genes, DNA. The string of our life also holds the secrets to improvement.

But such small attention is paid to something this big, because we are busy with insignificant things. Run off the mill.

A perfectly naturally engineered machine built with no known purpose only to make out of it a petty purpose of small intention, short duration life-span, and meaningless existence. Strings of atoms held together by swapping electrons therefore creating magnetical attraction due to opposed charges. The way they are arranged makes them stick to other such chains and dictate the way protein is synthesized. The building blocks are created and arranged out on such a simple design. Understanding how this complex system works is beyond me, but I do understand it hasn't materialized for such a simple task as just living. An unsolved mystery for the pile.