XII

What are you doing in that dark room of yours, just sitting at the floor?
Going insane. 
Why? What's wrong?
I don't know. I never knew?
Poor confused puppy. 
I'm not.
You're talking to yourself, you must be.
I guess when you're alone enough, you develop some sort of dialogue partner.
But it's just a monologue, isn't it.
Maybe.
So, back to your concern, what is really wrong with you? With us.
How many times must I repeat myself? I don't know.
Really?
I don-... Damn it.
Yes, you're all alone. It's one of the problems, isn't it? After all, one doesn't talk to himself if he has somebody to talk to.
But there's no one who I can relate to anyway. The only person I can accept is myself.
Yes. You're the calm little centre of the Earth, aren't you?
It's not that. And after all, if it is, everyone is just self centered either way. I don't care. I don't understand their petty reasons that govern them and they don't understand the petty reasons that govern me.
I think at a large scale, they think of themselves? 
But that still doesn't make me better than them...
Did we just switch roles for a second? 
I'm going insane either way, so it doesn't really matter.
Isolated and driven out by a simple difference of cognition. In all your philosophical and thinking nature, you're still useless, weak and unhappy.
That's true, raising questions you can't have answers for has never made anyone happy. Just mad.
You're not going insane, and you're not special. You're just at an inexistent existential crisis trying to give purpose to yourself...
...When there is clearly none. The despair of not having a known trajectory. I know my limits, I know my strengths, I know my weakness, but I don't know my goal. Is there really none? Then there is no point in asking "To be or not to be?". The answers is obvious, it's not to be. But I don't want to die just to find out the answer. I'd like to convince myself that would be a waste, but it won't. Like most people, I'm just afraid of the unknown. The great unknown that is both life and death.